Oh dear. What to do with good 'Ol St. Nick? Last year we told Amelia the truth about Santa. That he's not real. The idea of St. Nick is real, and he was a real person. But, there is no fat man in a red suit sneaking into our house on 12/24 to drop off gifts.
She was very sad. She asked a lot of questions like:
Why can't he be real?
Who do the presents come from?
Who eats the cookies and drinks the egg nog?
We told her that people use "Santa" on gifts as a way to give presents without you knowing who the giver is- a special, secret surprise. We gave her strict instructions not to tell her friends, If they asked her she was supposed to say, "You should ask your mom or dad." We didn't want to be the Scrooge family who ruined it for someone else.
So why did we do it? Because if we tell her Santa is real and he turns out to be a fake what does that make Jesus? Jesus is very much the real deal. We want our daughter to trust us, to be free to ask us questions and expect an honest answer. I found myself getting caught in my Santa and Elf lies and trying to find a way out of them. It was tiring and concerning.
You might think we are boring, or over thinking this, "extreme" Christians or just plain mean to our daughter. But we believe we did the right thing. I don't think you have to tell your kids, that's your choice. But I can tell you that we don't regret telling her. She's had fun this year "pretending" that Santa is real. But now she knows it's pretend and that matters to us.
Now I'm just hoping she pretends enough to leave "him" some cookies on Christmas Eve ;)
5 comments:
Wow! I've had those very thougths and convictions this week. Taylor isn't even three yet and I feel like I'm leading her on. I want her to trust me and never doubt that Jesus is real. I need to do more research and present it the way you did with history and facts about who St. Nicolas was and what he did.
We don't do Santa either. Joe has very strong feelings about it, very similar to yours. We have always told Joleigh that Santa is a fun Christmas fairy tale, but have been very intentional about telling her the real meaning of Christmas and the Mommy and Daddy bring her presents. She is been asking a lot of questions about it this year though, it's crazy how much she can learn from the world around her, but I feel good about our decision too.
We don't do Santa, either, for the same reasons you pointed out. Why lie to the kids? Plus, another mom made a great point that I liked. She said that her husband works very hard for the family to provide wonderful gifts for them, and he should get the credit, not Santa. Plus, it helps with the crazy (I WANT!) lists later because the kids know its coming out of your bank account, not some rich Santa! ;)
oops. i never let my kids believe in santa from the beginning. poor, neglected little children. never had that fun childhood excitement of the jolly old man in the red suit.
anyhow, good for you, erin. :)
Hello Erin, Zach Shepherd here. I had to bump Lisa aside after she read this to me. Hallelujah girl! You are boring...just kidding!!!! You guys are a family we are encouraged by to keep things going on the right path. We've had that talk entitled "What are we going to tell the kids about Santa and his magical flying reindeer, magical elves, magical land of the north pole, magical chimney entrances, magical 24 hour global delivery route?"
I have to tell you a doozy about when "Santa" paid a special visit to my Mom's house in Colorado to see the kids last year, and then proceeded to "go off the clock" while still in uniform right in front of the kids by asking for a drink. Then proceeded to sit in uniform at the breakfast bar with my mom's husband (who is wonderful by the way, but doesn't share our dilemma) shooting the breeze as a secular civilian (colorful language and all). This all happened in an "out of body" instant when Teda asked Santa very excitedly where his reindeer were. He said they were, "out on the golf course." I love Teda because she gives him the "something's not right about you" look, and then fires back with, "can I see?" That was Lisa's and my que to exit the kids to their beds and say goodnight to Sata...heh hemmm...Santa, before it crossed an irrevocable line.
As our kids get older they grow smarter (by the day), and the stories (lies) have to get more elaborate. In fact I'm pretty sure the issues of trust that kids have with their parents in many cases can be directly traced back to parents trying to protect the image of this magical fat man in the red suit called SANTA. I hardly think St. Nick would have wanted himself to be who we've made him to be. It's one thing to pretend, but entirely something else to build a fortress of deception. I say it humorously, but it's true.
I appreciated your reasoning on the kind of conclusion this could cause our kids to draw about Jesus...my reasoning came to a similar fork; how will my kids view me or take my word?
The way you explained Santa was pretty solid and I bet Lis and I will be nearly dye cutting it for Teda.
One more humorous recount, is when Lisa and I were over at the Schinella's for dinner earlier this year. We were all sitting around the table eating dinner, and sweet beautiful little Isa looks at me with her precious face and utters the most earth shaking question that exists in all Christendom (at that particular moment)...
I: "Mr. Zach?"
MZ: "Yes Isa?"
I: "Is Santa Claus real?"
Are you kidding me? I don't know what Jeff and Lee have told Isa or what their philosophy on this is! I glanced instantly at Jeff and Lee, who in turn glanced briefly at Isa, then me, then back down at their plates with an uncomfortable laugh and an air of anticipation that spoke audibly to me saying, "whatever you do, don't #&!* this up Shepherd." I mentally looked up “pressure” in the dictionary and it said, “you’re feeling it right now.”
I am telling you there was only one neutral answer that could have preserved the integrity of all involved (temporarily). And by the skin of my nose, the answer jolted into my mind and at the same speed left my lips in sheer inspired brilliance, "Well, I've seen him." To which Isa paused at me, looked at her daddy and having been momentarily satisfied with the answer, she went back to eating. The tension quickly emptied from the room and a visible glow returned to the faces of our friends affirming the future of our relationship was still bright. Ahhhhhhhh...bullet dodged, crisis averted. (At least that's how it went down in my mind).
I guess what I’m saying is I agree with you…the truth about Ole St. Nick may be boring, but I figure revealing it now could save us from having to explain later. I think you guys did a great job equipping Amelia with how to handle it with other kids. Thanks for sharing this, it was helpful.
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