Let the Waters Rise

Several times in my life God has used music to encourage me. I love the song Let the Waters Rise by Mike's Chair. The chorus goes like this...

God I trust you.
There's a raging sea right in front of me
wants to pull me in,
bring me to my knees.
Let the waters rise,
if you want them to.
I will follow you.
I will follow you.

Amelia and I had enjoyed singing this song in the car when it came on KLOVE. Little did I know that in January God would start using this song to encourage me. Around Christmas I experienced a loss of sensation in several parts of the right side of my body. My cheek, part of my back, my other "cheek," part of my leg, foot, etc. My sister insisted I got to the doctor- ASAP. So I did.

My Dr. ordered an MRI of my brain. He didn't say, but sister already had. It could be MS, Multiple Sclerosis.

God I trust you.
There's a raging sea right in front of me
wants to pull me in,
bring me to my knees.

I was scared. Ian was scared. The MRI showed up normal! No weird white marks on my brain. Next step was blood work, which came back normal as well. Another follow-up with my doctor. I was still having symptoms so he sent me to a neurologist.

Let me just say for all of you that have to see a specialist: I'm sorry. What a headache. Crazy full schedules, extra money, tons of paperwork. It's difficult.

My sister went with me. After a 30 minute evaluation he said, "I'm very concerned about you." He suspected MS as well. The color red looked different from one eye to the other. My big toe did not respond to pin pricks, etc. But my MRI was normal! It wasn't done properly. I needed another view that wasn't taken the first time. Oh.

Let the waters rise,
if you want them to.
I will follow you.
I will follow you.

This time I didn't hold up so well. I cried a lot. a lot. Then a big mess came with the doctor. Charts not going to the right place, calls not being made. It took a long time to get another MRI. When I finally did get the MRI it took 5 weeks for the doctor to give me the results. 5 weeks.

God I trust you.

Again, no weird white marks on the brain. So it's not MS! Well.... 90% cleared. You need to go to a neurological ophthalmologist. You see, I'm still having symptoms, including vision differences between the right and left eye. MS can cause atrophy of the optical nerve leading to eventual blindness.

There's a raging sea right in front of me
wants to pull me in,
bring me to my knees.

Have you ever considered your life with a disability? I have. It's given me a GREAT appreciation for those who don't have sight. I have no idea how that feels. All I know is how it feels to face the possibility (not the reality but possibility) of losing my eye sight. Selfishly I want to see my daughters graduate, walk down the aisle, see their babies. And I hope I can and will. Only God knows if I will.

Let the waters rise,
if you want them to.
I will follow you.
I will follow you.

Another specialist. Another pile of paperwork. I'm half way through this final hurdle. I'm pretty sure he's going to say I'm fine. I'm pretty sure I'm going to be told there's no explanation for my symptoms. Which, in the past, might have frustrated me, but I'm grateful for this "answer."

I'm grateful that I don't have MS, and burdened for those that do.
I'm grateful for insurance, even though this has all come out of our pocket. If I did get diagnosed with something it would eventually kick in and cover the major expenses.
I'm grateful for Ian's job that pays well enough for me to get the tests I need when I need them.
I'm grateful for the support structure I've had, and would have had if I had been diagnosed with MS.

Most importantly I'm grateful for a God who loves me. A God who encourages me through His people, His Word and His music.

God I trust you.
There's a raging sea right in front of me
wants to pull me in,
bring me to my knees.
Let the waters rise,
if you want them to.
I will follow you.
I will follow you.