Finding the silver lining

I had my lumbar puncture (LP) on 9/17. It went pretty well until I hit the recovery stage. My body did not heal the hole on it's own and I was on the couch for 7 days lying as flat as possible. But- I'm back up on my feet and glad to be feeling 100% again. I had a lot of time to think about stuff while I was lying down, too much time really. Sidenote... can I just say that daytime TV is awful. Anyway, as I was lying there I got to thinking about the test, what the results will mean, and what I wanted to remember from this whole experience. I decided to record some of the highlights, mostly for my benefit, but maybe you'll find something in there too.

Immediately following the test I had to lie completely flat on my back for two hours. Given the environment I was in I did not expect this part of the process to go well. After about 15 minutes of me trying to tough it out and not look at the clock Ian asked if he could lie down with me. In this tiny bed? I was on a mobile bed that's smaller than a twin. Well, it's a good thing that God made him tall and thin because he fit perfectly. And it's a good thing God made him agile because he had to get out of the bed every 15 minutes to turn off my low blood pressure alarm. But I have to say, the minute that man crawled into bed with me I relaxed. I actually fell asleep for the majority of the 2 hours. I can't explain what or how I felt but I knew in that moment that I was taken care of, loved, and safe. It's part of the silver lining to this whole process. I couldn't have asked for more.

When we got home, I set up camp on the couch. The girls took turns snuggling with me. It was like being back in the newborn phase of their lives. We just laid there and enjoyed being close. No where to go, nothing to do. Well that's not totally true- more like no where I could go, or nothing I could do. Amelia and I talked a lot about her day at school, what she was reading, how her BFF Zandi is doing. Just the stuff of life. The stuff we usually talk about, but it's on the go while I'm making dinner, or driving somewhere. It's rare that we lie on the couch with nothing to do except talk to each other. Emery was a little more of a wiggle worm. She would toss and turn. Put her face to mine and kiss me, turn over and put my arm around her, lie on her back and ask for scratches, tons of scratches. But this was how I could express my love for them and how they could express it back. And it was wonderful.

Don't get me wrong, we are all glad I'm back on my feet. But I had to go through this process and I'm thankful that God put these moments in the middle of the mess. Moments I can look back on and actually enjoy. Moments that remind me of God's love for me expressed through the people around me. Moments that make up a silver lining.