Let the Waters Rise- Part 2

So I'm hoping I don't end up with Parts 3 to infinity for this subject.... you can read Part 1 here. And I hope you've had a chance to listen to the song, it's really remarkable.

I went to the neurologist today. I expected to hear, "Well you seem fine so come back if anything changes. Have a nice life."

Instead I heard, "You need a lumbar puncture (spinal tap) to determine if you have a neurological auto-immune disease (aka MS)."

I made him convince me I needed it. That might have been a bad idea. He told me the MRI could have been negative (meaning no weird white spots) because my brain filled in the spots with fluid. Since it took so long to get the MRI.... frustration!!!

I really thought we'd cleared the hurdles- 2 MRIs and a visit to a not-so-nice but fancy ophthalmologist. They all say- no MS. But the spinal tap will say for sure. So we are doing it.

I have never been afraid of a medical test, but I have a fear of this one. I don't know why, and I'm pretty sure it's not a rational fear, but I have it. I'll need to really suck it up to get this one done. People go through much worse everyday right? But that's the comparison thing I said I wasn't going to do, so I'm not. I'm afraid... bottom line.

But what's surprised me the most is how I'm dealing with this emotionally. I'm back to sitting around, wanting to eat chocolate and not do anything... literally nothing. Good grief, what am I going to do if I am diagnosed with MS? Gain 100 lbs eating chocolate and drinking Coke on the couch all day? While my house turns into a gross mess and my family doesn't get to eat homemade meals anymore?

Snap out of it, right?

Let the waters rise,
if you want them to.
I will follow you.
I will follow you.

I want to be back in that place. Where I'm fully trusting God to take care of us. No matter if it's yes or no. I know it's just kind of raw right now and I don't want to face the next few weeks, but I also know the only way I'll make it through is to trust God. Not just on the surface but all the way deep, deep down where only He sees. I'll get there. I know my prayers and the prayers of others will get me there.

But for now I'm eating swiss cake rolls and drinking a lot of Diet Coke. That's right folks, I ate a two pack of swiss cake rolls all by myself today. And let me say, I didn't feel any better when I finished. HA. I actually felt light headed and gross. Guess that'll teach me...

God I trust you.
There's a raging sea right in front of me
wants to pull me in,
bring me to my knees.
Let the waters rise,
if you want them to.
I will follow you.
I will follow you.